What I thought I didn’t hear Sunday

I was in church Sunday. I’ll confess that wasn’t where I wanted to be. I felt bad and was suffering with a cold. I was sitting in the balcony with my daughter and grand-kids. They were wiggling around and I was half watching them when the preacher started his sermon. It was about the different types of love.

I have heard that sermon preached three ways from Sunday already. With wiggling grandkids and a bad cold, you may have guessed I tuned him out.

Odd things happen. My spirit tuned him in.

I awoke the next morning still feeling bad. I got dressed and went walking. Thought I would pray some and get the blood circulating.

After about a half a block I realized I wasn’t in the praying mood. It was just one of those dry spiritual times. I mumbled, ” Why do I have so much trouble praying? I mean if there has ever been a time when I need to, it’s this very morning. Every damn thing in the world is falling in around me.”

I know you shouldn’t say damn when you are praying. To quote my wife. “He already knows what I am thinking. I might a swell say it.” I am not accusing my wife of making me say damn. I was simply saying aloud how I felt. Something I often try to avoid when praying.

At that moment, it was if my spirit started to replay the sermon from Sunday.

The preacher described the different types of love. He had talked about how the English language made love so hard to understand. He explained four different Greek words that meant love. I suppose my spirit forgot the Greek names. I didn’t have to hear that part of the sermon again.

What I did hear was this.

I love my pet.

I love my kids.

I love my friend.

I love my wife.

I love God.

I use to have a couple of dogs. In fact, my wife just lost her cat. All of them when alive would be setting at the back door when we came home. They were always glad to see me no matter what mood I was in. I loved each of them. I always looked forward to coming home and seeing them.

I certainly didn’t love God that way. I never had days when I couldn’t think of something to say to my pets. This morning I had nothing to say to God.

It was always at the very least. “Hey boy, hey girl how have you been doing?”

I can’t remember waking up and saying, “Hey God, how have you been doing?”

Maybe I loved Him more like I loved my kids and grands. I ask little of them and I would happily replace my life for theirs at any given time.

No, I ask much more of God than I ever give. Much of my prayer time is taken up with asking.

Maybe I love him like a friend. I have a couple of friends that I trust with my deepest and darkest secrets. I would never question that any thing they were doing wasn’t what they thought was best for me.

I don’t love Him that way. I don’t talk to God about some things. He knows about them but I don’t rub them in his face. He is after all God, King of kings. You don’t air your dirty little thoughts to the King of kings.

Maybe I love him like I love my wife. No, because I am brutally honest with my wife, sometimes too much. I tell her when I think she is screwing up or when she isn’t paying me any attention. I am true to her even when I am tempted. Even when I think no one could possibly ever find out.

There are times that God disappoints me. I simply keep it to myself. You shouldn’t complain to GOD! I have definitely sinned against God. I haven’t been as true to him as I have been to my wife. Truth is most days I hurt my relationship with him. I get involved with the devil. I suppose adultery is adultery.

Let me put this into perspective.

I don’t always want to see him. I don’t always have something loving to say to him. I don’t always want to go to his house. He gave his son for me. Would I give myself for him? What would I say if someone placed the gun to my temple? I might be brave. What about to my kids or grandchildren? I sometimes keep secrets and refuse to talk to him about the most private things and even ignore the little unimportant ones. I don’t bother to tell him when he disappoints me. I don’t argue with him. I don’t say things like. Oh it will be okay we’ll figure something out. I certainly never say, “You just aren’t paying me enough attention. I do mess around on him from time to time.

As of this writing, I still haven’t figured out how I love him.

I have figured out why my prayer life gets so dry from time to time,

Maybe if I treated him with the respect of a pet. Loved him as unconditionally as I do my kids and grandkids. If I shared my secret desires and fears like I do with my friends. Maybe if I argued with him like I did with my wife, knowing in the end that we are both going to stay together. After all, we are in this relationship for a lifetime.

Then I could say, ” I know how I love God.”

Maybe that sermon was not ignored after all.

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One Comment on “What I thought I didn’t hear Sunday”

  1. […] A nice web master put an intriguing blog post on What I thought I didnt hear Sunday Gartalkers BlogHere’s a quick excerptMaybe if I treated him with the respect of a pet. Loved him as unconditionally as I do my kids and grandkids. If I shared my secret desires and fears like I do with my friends. Maybe if I argued with him like I did with … […]

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