25 Dumb Things I’ve heard

After spending most of my life in retail sales, I came up with this list. Here are some of the most common lies I’ve heard. Also part of the following list contains the stupidest things I have ever heard.

Stupid lies customers tell

1. I found one just like it down the street for less.
(You haven’t even been down the street)

2. We’re just looking.
(You came in to buy something but you aren’t ready to be bothered.

3. Have to go someone is beeping in.
(There is no one beeping in)

4. Checks in the mail
(You haven’t even wrote it yet.)

5. That’s too high.
(You have no idea what is too high. What you meant is I can’t afford it.)

6. I’ll be back.
(You do not intend to ever come back)

7. I hear the doorbell, have to go.
(The doorbell doesn’t work. Maybe you hear your neighbors.)

8. He doesn’t bite.
(Very often)

9. I don’t understand the money was in the bank.
(How could it be in the bank your broke? That is why you bounced the check.)

10. I’ll call you later
(How you deleted the number)

11. I can beat your price.
(Good I’m going to whip your counter offer.)

Lies salespeople tell each other

12. I didn’t say that.
(Well, I didn’t think it would get back to you)

13. I gave at the office.
(You’re an outside salesperson you don’t  have a office.

Food Lies

14. I’ve already ate, thank you.
(Yesterday)

15. I couldn’t hold another bite.
(Sure you could you just don’t want to look like a pig).

16. I didn’t eat it
(Why is there chocolate between your teeth.).

Kid lies

17. My mama can beat your mama up.
(you’ve never seen her fight. How do you know.)

18. My child would never do that.
(Sure he would. He’s done much worse.)

Church Lies
19. I was under the weather last Sunday.
(You were under the cover last Sunday.)

Boy friend girl friend lies

20. I just don’t understand
(I just don’t care)

21. I’ll respect you in the morning.
(In fact I will respect you so much I’ll brag about it in the locker room.)

Stupid curses

22. I hate your guts
(You have never seen them how can you possibly hate them.)

23. My boss is an ass
(It is physically impossible for an ass to walk around and talk. No less hire and fire people.
If your boy friend or girl friend is an ass think about what was the last thing you kissed.)

24. I’ll be damned.
(Really, then the following applies to you.
1: to condemn to a punishment or fate ; especially : to condemn to hell2 a: to condemn vigorously and often irascibly for some real or fancied fault or defect b: to condemn as a failure by public criticism. Think I might pass on damning myself. I know enough people that would gladly do it for me.)

25. I’ll be a s.o.b.

The female of the dog or some other carnivorous mammals

(Bet you stand out at the next family reunion. Maybe you should try out for the Jerry Springer Show.)

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Explore posts in the same categories: March 2009, ramdom thoughts

One Comment on “25 Dumb Things I’ve heard”

  1. Deanna Says:

    Apparently you have never shopped with me. I drive Donald crazy “just looking”. I am looking for baskets containers for my closet right now. I have been to every store in the Jackson Metro area “just looking” to see what all of my options are. Once I size everything up I will go back and actually buy the ones that best fit my need.

    See? Sometimes you can actually be “just looking”.


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