Archive for the ‘lol’ category

The Mess

October 7, 2013

Guess what? I have never been to a National park or Washington D.C.  I really don’t care if they never reopen. Take what they are spending on them and tack it on my social security check. Guess what the stock market is always down for a few days then it goes back up. That is how the rich get richer. I could care less about the stock market.

If you are worried the government isn’t going to cure cancer forge it. The congress couldn’t legislate themselves a cure for V.D. Turn it over to the drug companies, they’ll find a cure and make a billion at the same time.

Now for the debt ceiling. When I was 35 I decided I could borrow my way out of debt. I didn’t work. It want work for the country either.

Charity begins at home. Stop sending billions to people that hate us. Stop protecting everybody else’s borders and put the army on ours. First it would boost the local economies through the roof. Second we wouldn’t have to support everyone else’s rejects.

Before we can do any of this though we will all have to be put in cages. We that are living now are too stupid to vote the blood suckers out of office.

 

I say our children should lock us away now before we total screw it up for them. They will be the ones left with this mess.

King Of Podunk

September 21, 2013

podunkMorning

I have a short story on Kindle for Free today and I think Sunday. King of Podunk

check it out on Kindle

http://www.amazon.com/King-Podunk-Porch-Drama-ebook/dp/B00F550J56/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1379767421&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=king+og+podunk

Three Books

August 30, 2013

Just finished and placed my third book on Amazon. I think I am ready to go back to work full time. I have a feeling boredom is just around the corner.

Get a chance check them out. These are approximate prices. With Amazon, you save several different ways and it depends a little on where you live.

 Read a few chapters at Amazon. If you are interested and want an autographed copy, send me an email with your address. All three will be $30.00 any two will be $25.00 and Bubba Jones or Killing in the Delta will be $15.0 each. Back Porch Dramas are $13.50 each.

This includes shipping anywhere in the good old USA. gartalker@yahoo.comTell me what you would like the autograph page to say. If you live in the area drop me, a line and I will get one to you.

Bubba Jones Free

July 23, 2013

Fee, free at last. 

Well maybe it isn’t as big of deal as when Dr, King said it but Today through Thursday My book Bubba Jones is free on both Amazon as well as Kindle. Check it out. Sure will not cost you anything and it is a limited time promotion that Amazon allowed me to do.Image

5 surgeons

January 19, 2013

I have read this before but I just had to pass it along.

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the Best
patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, ‘I like to see accountants
on my operating table because when you open them up, everything
inside is numbered.’

The second, from Chicago, responds, ‘Yeah, but you should try
electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.’

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, ‘No, I really think librarians
are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.’

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: ‘You know, I like
construction workers…Those guys always understand when you have
a few parts left over.’

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington , DC shut them all up when
he observed: ‘You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There’s no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine..
Plus, the head and the ass are interchangeable.’

Memas

December 21, 2012

I think it is time we call Christmas, Memas. Lets face the truth. When Old Blue Eyes said I want it my way he was ahead of his time.

 

Today we both want and demand it our way. When growing up, I made a list of what you wanted for Christmas.

 

Mama  smiled, We’ll see what Santa thinks.” When you walked out the room she threw the list in the trash and got you what she could afford.

 

When you looked under the tree you forgot about what you ask for and was over joyed with what you received. Today people ask for money or cards where they can get what they want. They call ahead and let you know what they expect for Christmas dinner.

 

Can you imagine telling your grandmother what you would and wouldn’t eat.

 

Now take it to the next step. In our city the mayor decided to call the Christmas parade a mid-winter parade. One atheist said he refused to watch anything that had Christ in it.

 

I wrote the mayor and said I did liked the name and that I actually paid taxes. He somehow found out that I was a W.A.S.P. and didn’t take my request seriously. In case you don’t know what a wasp is. White Anglo-Saxon Protestant.

 

Then there are governors that say I like the name winter tree better so the rest of you can suck a lemon.

 

The president the congress and the senate all say me, me, me. Screw all of you tax payers. Don’t bother to tell me one side or the other is right. They are wrong and can’t any of them speak a whole sentence without using me or I.

 

You can’t get rid of your family but I just can’t understand why we keep reelecting these idiots.

 

If I don’t write again, have a Merry Christmas. Yes I said it and I mean it. If you don’t like it, don’t except it.

 

One last thing, are any of you allowing your children to set in the Mid Winter Man’s lap. Even sounds freaky doesn’t it.

 

 

 mother,

Christmas Love Notes

December 18, 2012

I am not much on sharing my personal life on the blog. Today I feel in the Christmas spirit so I will.

 

Hi Sweetheart, 

I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Holiday lights.  I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.  I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy.  All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season.  Nothing brightens the holidayspirit like holiday lights!  I took the time to hang the lights for you today; and now I will be off to the hockey rink. 

Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday.  I’ll be home later. 

Love you 

gary
_____________________________________ 
Her response –
   

Hi Honey, 
 
Thank you for that heart-felt apology.  I don’t often get an apology from you, and I truly appreciate it.
  I, too, felt bad about the argument and wanted to apologize.  I realize that I can sometimes be a little pushy.  I will try to respect your feelings from now on.  Thank you for taking the time to hang the holiday lights for me.  It really means a lot.  In the spirit of giving, I washed your truck for you; and now I am off to the mall. 

I love you too! 

Pam
 
 
 
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