I have heard it said, that it is a poor dog that can’t wag his own tail. I say it is a sad man that can’t laugh at his own mistakes.
The following are some stupid things I often say and a couple of things I wonder about. Most of the statements are habits of a lifetime. At this point, I don’t have much interest in changing them.
I am sure if you ask my friends there are a thousand more that I either want share here or don’t know that I say.
Still before we get to that maybe, someone would share with me why the bagel always falls on the cream cheese side. I am talking every time. You know if it falls on the crusted side, you can look around and make sure no one is looking and go ahead and eat it.
Why does my banker only want to lend me money when I don’t need it.
Why do salespeople ask, “Can I help you? I must look disable or something.
I am innocent on this one. I say, “How may I be of service today?” Course if they look like a fellow redneck I might say, “How can I help you?” They understand what you mean. In fact, if you say, “How may I be of service?” They might think you are a waiter.
In the south, we say, cut on or off that light. I have never seen a knife or scissors by the switch.
People say, “l fell in love” or “I fell out of love.” No one chooses to fall in or out of love. It isn’t an accident. You choose to love or to love no longer. It is always a choice.
My friend laughs at me when I give customers direction on how to get to my place. I say, “Take a right at the red light.”
He asks, “What if it is green when they get to it. Do they go straight?” He is a smart a**.
I tell my wife to pay the light bill. She asks who is going to pay the rest of the power bill.”
She and my friend have something in common. You can figure that one out yourself.
I will finish with my favorite word.
Let’s go over yonder.
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